Category: self-care

becoming you

The teenager on the way to school, in a bright pink sweatshirt (something a boy never would have worn when I was growing up). The man in a down vest and work clothes crossing the street to his work truck. Me, walk-running down the neighborhood sidewalk, taking in the morning.

We are all becoming.

The sun rising a bit earlier each day as spring becomes more and more apparent. The birds chirping, singing, and chatting and with different birdsong than in winter. The earth greening again—buds, shoots, sprouts coming forth.

All in its natural order, in its natural becoming.

I like to think of this life force energy as the “optimizing thrust of Being” (from AH Almaas’s Diamond Approach Work).

Nature is and becomes who she is naturally. Seasons follow one after the next. Plants and animals respond in kind to grow, blossom, hunker down, and hibernate.

Becoming is part of the natural cycle—
it happens without effort or conscious planning in nature.

We are part of nature, too. Our brains are hardwired to do certain things naturally—and the most basic hardwiring is to SURVIVE! Keep Reading This Post!

Begin Again

Those unintended mean words.
That angry attitude that bubbled up from the depths, surprising even you.

See it. Own it. Understand it. Let it go.
And Begin Again.

That familiar frustration.
The thought that just doesn’t seem to want to give up.
The behavior you wish you could stop.

See it. Own it. Understand it. Let it go.
And Begin Again.

Keep Reading!

be amazed

Spring in Minnesota at the beginning of March!

How Lady Grey’s Garden tea never ceases to amaze and delight me!

Finding the perfect pink down sweater marked way down at REI.

The spark of new life as fire is created in the woodstove.

Getting bangs and opening my face to new freedom!

The bliss coursing through my body when I dance.

A girlfriend feeding me freshly-baked cornbread.

How my bodysoul loves to run full out!

The open wonder in the face of a child.

Birdsong arising out of nowhere.

Dave. Here. With me.

Sun.

When I am able to experience this openness to life, this radical amazement, I am here. Present. Alive. Living my life.
Keep Reading!

is your heart open?

I’ve been hearing for years the Course in Miracles exhortation to choose Love instead of Fear.

It sounds good, but it never made sense to me. It’s just not that simple in my experience!

First of all, it’s not just Love I want—it’s joy, goodness, compassion, peace, fulfillment, gratitude…Perhaps they are all expressions of Love, but the exact feeling state is different.

And it’s not just Fear I don’t want—I’m not particularly inclined to want to feel anger, hatred, confusion, sadness, shame…

So, what does it mean to choose Love?
Isn’t it really about keeping your heart open?

Every time we turn toward ourselves or others with compassion and curiosity, we are practicing opening our heart.

If I’m afraid, angry, or sad, instead of distracting myself, getting busy, or drowning in my feelings, I turn toward myself with kindness. I hold my fear, anger or sadness, acknowledging it and how hard it is to feel this. I am gently curious about how I am feeling with a desire to  understand. I don’t try to change myself, but accept myself just as I am. Read more about practicing mindful self-acceptance.

I find an image can help here. Keep Reading!

A Recipe for Joy

First things first.

Clear your counter—or if you have a well-used space that has everything you might need nearby, at least make some room for the mixing bowls and other utensils needed!

We’re mixing up Joy, so consider the ingredients you need for the recipe today. You can make another version another day. What do you need right now?

My Ingredient List

Sacred Time
Spiritual Practice
Intimacy
Self-Care
Friends
Music
Dance
Play



Method

Creating Sacred Space

  1. Create sacred space for this time in your kitchen. You may want to light a candle or say a little prayer or intention for creating Joy. It could be as simple as taking a breath and saying, “May I open to Joy.”
  2. Take a look at your ingredients. If you want to mix these particular ingredients together, what mixing bowl will you choose? Make sure you choose one that has MORE space than you think you need. You’ll need room to stir the ingredients together—and, who knows, there may even be some kitchen magic from the combining, so you’ll want to save space for that!

Preparing Your Joy
Keep Reading!

white space

white

           space

                      here

                                on

                                            this

                                                         page

as

       you

                  read 

                             this

I’ve always been attracted to things—to density and color and texture and variety and vividness. I filled my little 500-square foot cottage with comfortable, practical beauty to the point that Dave referred to it as my hobbit hole. And I felt completely at home with my stuff all around me.

When we go to our favorite B&B, we don’t choose the Air Room, the one that is simple, spare, and decorated all in white. We choose Fire, Earth, or Water—full of color, of something for the eyes (and the soul?) to hold onto.

But             there          is                 something           here            for me.

here

surrounded

by

space

Keep Reading!

New Year’s Ease

This year I spent about three weeks really focused on learning from the past year and getting clear about how I want to live into this New Year.

I’m so grateful for this practice…there were many years I didn’t feel like I could take the time—or that it would make any difference if I did. I didn’t feel I could consciously influence the way my life would play out over time. I knew the value of practicing to change something in myself, but I felt at the whim of life’s unfolding events all too often…

As I reviewed, visioned, and felt into myself, over and over, a yearning in my soul arose—balance, ease, abundance, balance, openness, ease…

Ease, Work / Life Balance

I WANT this! And I’m struck with the fact that I only found out how much I want it by taking those 3+ weeks to settle in, to look at 2015, at all that I accomplished (or didn’t) and all that I had felt during the year…

As I was writing this post at my favorite local cafe, a friend I run into 1-2/month there stopped by to say hi, and as I showed him this New Year’s collage and talked about my theme for the year, he had an insight and spoke these simple and profound words:
Keep Reading!

letting go

A couple of weeks ago I was having a really HARD time letting go.

We were innsitting for the first time in a year, so I was feeling a bit rusty on all the procedures and protocols necessary to run the Inn.

This new website was supposed to be live, but it wasn’t yet.

And I was under deadline—that’s always creates the most pressure—or my old website would quietly slide into oblivion without a new one to take its place…Ugh.

And it was my birthday, but the restaurant I wanted to eat at was unexpectedly closed and I had no bandwidth to enjoy it even if it had been open…I had been working all day. On. My. Birthday. I couldn’t let go. I had to work, to get the site done. Even on my birthday.

This created the most stressful experience
I have had in a really long time.

I was doing everything right—working hard to get all the myriad details needed to get my site live. And I kept running into roadblocks. Unexpected outcomes. New things to learn. More support to ask for…and support people not as readily available as needed—at the same time that I was managing guests checking in and out, cleaning guest rooms, feeding guests, and trying to have a relationship with myself and my husband…

It all came to a head the night I was planning to make my site live, when the software I was using to build the site became really glitchy.

I was going over the last details to make sure all the pages were really ready, and I found I needed to add a period—one small period.

I opened the page, added the period, updated, and took a look.

And ALL of the paragraph breaks were gone on the whole page! Even in sections that I had not opened! ALL of them!!! My page was one huge chunk of text, unreadable, and certainly not going-live ready…

Over the next hour, I patiently added the spaces back. And each time, while one space would be there, another would disappear. It was a nightmare! It literally took an hour to fix all the mess that adding one period created!!

And then I had to go on to other pages and the same thing kept happening…

I was using all my mindfulness practice tools. Sensing my tense body, noticing my thoughts, feeling my anger and frustration…I even got up and jumped up and down yelling out my anger, shaking, punching, and letting it course through me. Dave held space and witnessed this for me. (Thank you, honey!)

By the time I got to the last page, there were still a few spacing problems, but most of it was OK. It was late and Dave was headed to bed. I told him I had to stay up and finish it. I had to fix this page. It had to be perfect…No matter how tired I was, no matter how tense my body felt, no matter…

And he challenged me on this. This is the beauty of conscious relationship!

Enneagram type One personality, I’m afraid…It serves me well in many ways, but following it in search of the ever-elusive perfection of this page was potentially opening up a huge can of worms, perhaps even another hour of fixing (and jumping up and down)…

My ego personality SCREAMED internally that I HAD to stay up and fix this before making my site live. I couldn’t make it live if it weren’t perfect!!

And instead of listening to this habitual message, I took a deep breath and agreed with Dave. I could live with that imperfect spacing. I could let go of needing the site to be PERFECT before making it live.

I made it live. I did not announce it quite yet, but making it live and imperfect gave me a chance to let go even a little more. I could breathe more deeply. I could get more rest. I could stop filling every moment inbetween guests with computer work.

I. Let. Go.

Of something that felt so familiar, so seductive, so comforting in its own way.

And it created space. Space for me to experience more life, more ease, more joy. More, not less.

It’s like instead of continuing to toil around the outside, I quickly jumped into the center of the collage. (If you click on it, it will expand so you can see the details.) All that perfecting and perfecting wasn’t getting me there, even though I was efforting like crazy. Letting go dropped me there. In that openness. In that bounty. In that ease.

How do we let go?

I have often argued that we can’t do it with the will alone, which is why it can feel a bit crazy-making when someone tells us to just let go…If we could, we would have already! But realizing it would be healthy to let go and actually being able to are totally different things.

I love what my Diamond Approach teacher says about this—we practice so that we can be available to grace. I think it’s grace that allows us to be able to let go, not will.

I have been practicing for many years to open to grace. In this case seeing my perfection pattern over and over again, allowing more imperfection in small ways, feeling the pain of the perfection push, feeling the ego distress of not perfecting something, feeling healthier and happier when I don’t let perfection rule my life…

These years of practice allowed me to be open to the grace that Dave reminded me of in that moment—to relax my ego’s grip and drop the perfection pattern, to let go.

Fall is a season for practicing letting go. As we look back at what we’ve grown since the Spring, and consider what we want to bring with us, we also discern when it’s time to let go. For me, it’s a long-held habit, a way of knowing myself that needed to go. What is it for you?

Save

what are you harvesting?

frostbitten zinnias

While innsitting here in the country at the beautiful Journey Inn, we had the first frost of the season—every night the last week—each frost flattening the gardens a bit more.

The vibrant red zinnias fading to a rusty orange, the bright green leaves browning and losing their vitality…the cantaloupe wilting so much that the vines are fading into the earth, and the basil completely shrunken and withered.

I mentioned to Dave that I wanted to go pick what I could of what was left, to save the last fruits of the season. We’ve been so busy tending to the guests and the running of the Inn that I hadn’t had time, but the desire was there and each morning when I looked out the kitchen windows at what remained of the garden, it arose freshly within me.

Dave’s response that it wasn’t necessary—that it was surplus and wouldn’t be missed—did not satisfy me.

As I’ve been sitting with it, I realize that harvesting what is ripe feels like a kind of sacred calling to me. Keep Reading…

simplify and savor

Wednesday early morning, as the Autumn Equinox officially marks the beginning of this new season, we, here in Minnesota, have already been grieving, in fits and starts, the end of Summer. We’ve had such extreme temperature shifts this year—from 90s one day to 50s overnight to cloudy and in the low 70s the next…

It’s certainly given us practice letting go of our grasp on Summer!

The Autumn Equinox occurs at 3:22 am CT on Wednesday, September 23rd.

This year, I feel this seasonal rhythm calling me to simplify and savor.

We’ve been visiting my parents in Port Townsend, Washington twice a year as we plan our move out there in 2019. Realizing that we will be moving, feeling the reality of this decision finally sinking in is part of this pull.

The next four years are about getting really clear about what to let go of, how to simplify the load. I find myself looking around me every day with new eyes.

What do I love, what do I want, what is truly important to me
—and what can I let go of?
What is extra, not essential to how I want to live,
to how I need to live?

I intuitively started a fun process! I put a box on the dining room table. As I see things I feel like I can let go of, I put them next to the box. This is a signal to Dave to take a look at the object and see if he has a desire to keep it. If not, in the box it goes! (The boxes will eventually go to Good Will.)

I’ve always loved the “comfortably cluttered” look as long as the objects are all ones I felt connected to. (Dave called the cottage I lived in when he met me my “Hobbit Hole” if that gives you a sense.) I’ve never been into the spare and open look—and we’re nowhere near that—but this feels good! I feel lighter, cleaner, fresher. Simpler.

Spring is often thought of as the season to clean and simplify, but Fall is also a perfect time. I feel as if I am looking back at my life, at the things that I have filled my life with, and assessing my harvest, determining what I need to live the life I want to live, and letting go of things that don’t contribute to that vision.

The other beautiful part of this is that in looking around with new eyes, I am also giving myself a chance to savor what I truly love.

Even if I can’t always remember who gave me something, I can revel in its beauty, in the soft, glowing light that globe tea-light holder gives off, especially on these darkening evenings. I am getting a chance to enjoy my belongings, too—to take in their particular shape and service with deep appreciation as I go through this process of choosing what of my harvest to keep and what to let go of.

Savoring is a way of living your life so that you take in its full nourishment, in all its different forms. You can do it anytime, anywhere when you mindfully engage with any one or a combination of senses.

Give it a try with food to start:

  • Choose a small piece of fresh fruit that you love.
  • Sit down and first look at it very carefully, noticing all its particularities of color, shape, texture…
  • Imagine breathing into your eyes the colors, shape, and texture of the fruit.
  • Next, bring it to your nose and smell it—see how many adjectives you can find to identify the aroma.
  • Then touch it slowly and sense its texture and temperature. You might want to close your eyes for a deeper experience.
  • When you’re ready, place it against your lips and notice those sensations.
  • Now take a small bite but don’t chew. Roll the bite around in your mouth and notice how it feels and tastes before chewing.
  • When you’re totally ready, slowly begin to chew and savor that burst of flavor, this amazing, sweet nourishment from the earth.
  • Try chewing each bite 25 times. This invites your bodysoul to actually receive the many different layers of nourishment instead of just filling your stomach up.

Now let’s try the same process in a simpler form looking at the outdoors or around a room.

  • Find something your eyes want to look at, and let yourself fully take it in.
  • How much can you discern?
  • How many different colors are actually there?
  • What about textures or patterns?
  • How is the light landing on this object?
  • Is there any movement?
  • Drink all of this in with your eyes, letting it fill your heart and body, your whole bodysoul.
  • Sense any feelings that arise in response to this mindful slowing down of your attention.
  • Any when you’re ready, let your focus go, allowing the effects of this contact to linger with you.

This Fall, I will continue this practice of savoring and simplifying, as I look back at the fruits of Summer and what I want to take with me to nourish and support me in Winter.

Which things will I place, with gratitude for their service in the box?
And which will I place in the basket of belonging to keep,
at least for this next season?
How about you?