Saying Yes to Love—Part I

This is Part I of a 2-Part Series on Love for the month of February.
This first post explores how essential it is to say Yes to Love
in relationship. The second focuses on practicing Love.
Although originally written for dear friends whose wedding I officiated,
and, thus, about the personal Love relationship between two people, everything here applies to Love in any relationship—with yourself, with your friends, with your family, with an animal friend, with a partner, with the Beloved.

 
By Gregory Orr
If to say it once
And once only, then still
To say: Yes.

And say it complete,
Say it as if the word
Filled the whole moment
With its absolute saying.

Later for “but,”
Later for “if.”

Now
Only the single syllable
That is the beloved,
That is the world.

Yes. Unequivocally, Yes.

Conscious relationship, for me, is about learning to say Yes, over and over again, to Love.

Love can open in us as a gift, as a grace, but for the most part, Love is pretty hard work!

I find that Love is a practice of choosing to say Yes to the needs of the relationship, to being and acting as Love in each moment.

• Even when I’m tired and just want to fall back into the comfortable slumber of “my way,”
• Even when I feel disconnected and would rather lick my wounds,
• Even when it would feel better to pretend everything is OK when it’s not,
• Even when I’m not feeling very loving…

Because Love is bigger than a feeling. Love is a choice.

• Love chooses connection.
• Love chooses trying to understand.
• Love chooses generosity.
• Love chooses hope.
• Love chooses to accept my partner’s reality, even when it’s not only different from mine, but might seem downright crazy or misguided.
• Love says Yes.

For a long time, practicing Love, I would find myself saying Yes, but…

• But what?
• But you don’t see the whole picture…
• But that’s not really what I meant…
• But I would do it this way…
• But…

Dave called me on it—many times—and he still may have to from time to time. It is a pretty engrained habit!

• He let me know that when I say “Yes…but,” he only hears the “but.”
• He no longer feels heard or acknowledged.
• It’s like that “but” negates everything else I’ve said.

I have come to understand that the “but” is a turning away from Love, a choosing to separate a part of myself from the Yes of Love. The togetherness of Love. The generosity of Love.

I’m not saying we have to agree about everything—we don’t!

• If I have a different idea, I share it.
• But I try not to before acknowledging the Yes.
• Yes, I see and hear you.
• Yes, you are right in your truth.
• Yes, I value and respect you and your expression.
• AND here is my truth…

This is practicing Love. I won’t always get it right, but I will continue to practice.

How do you say Yes to Love? With yourself? With others?

Note: Part II of this Valentine’s Day blogpost came out at the end of February, so we can remember to keep practicing, even when the romance of Valentine’s Day, or falling in love, or a candlelight dinner is over….