breathing in…breathing out…

In the last month of our SomaYoga Teacher Training we are studying the final Yama of Aparigraha, Non- Possessiveness. (The Yamas are the basis of Yoga’s code of ethics, the compass by which yogis and yoginis practice and live.)

This past week, we were practicing with breathing in life on the inbreath and letting life go of it on the outbreath. It has been a good week for me to practice this as I hurt my lower back/sacrum carrying too much weight a few weeks ago and this past week was especially difficult.

  • Breathing in, I breathe in pain. Breathing out, I breathe out release.
  • Breathing in, I breathe in aching. Breathing out, I breathe out letting go.
  • In, ouch. Out, release.
  • In, tightness. Out, letting go.

Did this make the pain go away? NO! But I find when I can get curious about each moment, my experience is actually changing, dynamic. I’m not in continual pain if my mind can let go of thinking about the pain (or fear or…)!

That’s what I’m inviting on the “breathing out,” the mind letting go. It’s not always easy. I find I have had a story going—my back hurts and it’s not getting better and I’m afraid… When I’m not mindfully meeting the moment, that story wins. When I am, however, I find that not all moments are full of pain.

  • Some are full of gratitude for the sun and breeze on the river birch leaves outside the window.
  • Some are full of amazement at the red cardinal visiting the garden.
  • Some are full of luxurious, sensual melting of my body in the hot sun.
  • Some are full of sweet moments of contact with my husband.

And with each moment, I practice taking it in fully and then releasing it and letting it go. I’m learning that even these so-called “good” feelings need to be released to make way for the next moment.

In this way, Deborah Adele explains, in her lovely book The Yamas and Niyamas, we make way for the next experience. There is an openness and a freedom in this. When we’re not caught in assumptions, beliefs, and stories—the next moment could be anything!

When I cling to my story of being in constant pain and not healing, I am not able to really savor the river birch leaves outside my window, which the standing desk I cobbled together to give my back relief, faces. Releasing the pain on the outbreath for just a moment gives me the chance to breathe in something else—something beautiful that fills me with gratitude! (And I’m willing to bet gratitude has a healing effect on the body that fear does not…)

I can see how this practice could really support me when I’m in other hard places—breathe it in and then breathe out the story, the stuckness, the tension. Breathe in a new moment and experience that!

What are you breathing in? Are you releasing it to make room for something else? Something that you can’t imagine, that might be rich and full and amazing?

I experience this releasing also as the Yin phase of the breath. Exhaling and letting go into the ground, softening, releasing, calming…ready to allow the Yang, active phase of doing to begin, to bring in something new…We need both.

dancing with summer

Summer!

Sun!

Everything greening and growing and blooming and blossoming!

Nature is exclaiming her fullness, her lushness, her LIFE!!!

(Exclamation points seem to be called for here.
My fingers can’t help but type them.)

Sunflower turns its face toward the sun, smiling, drinking in its warmth, its radiance…and shines its beauty, its smile, its full-on radiance into the world.

The Buddha, grounded sitting peacefully, surrounded by lacy green ferns, cool and calm in the midst of heat, of flame, of fiery summertime.

And so is my life. Always a balancing of fire and earth, of flurry and ground, of blossoming and releasing, or accomplishing and resting…

I am here. Supported, surrounded, summoned…to be here.
In this summer.

I am here. Supported, surrounded, summoned…to be here.
In this body.

I am here. Supported, surrounded, summoned…to be here.
In this life.

Where are you? What is your dance of summer summoning forth?

inviting playfulness

Supportive, firm, slightly bumpy

Smooth, almost silky…

Aaah—cool, soft, moist, and soothing

Tickly, scratchy, stroking…

My bare feet delight in the textures they are taking in.

Each step a celebration of impressions.

It’s almost like my feet have little antennae attuned to each touch of the sole of my foot on the ground.

Delight, curiosity, wonder!

What will the next step bring?
Concrete—bumpy, gravelly, smooth?
Grass, clover, weeds?
Marble? (on a sidewalk, leftover from the construction of the State Capitol)
Wet or dry earth?

Each bringing its own impressions, my feet play with each one…

All around me, Summer also delights my eyes with a riot of color and texture.

  • Yellow and orange ruffled marigolds
  • Brilliant spotted and streaked, stately oriental lilies
  • Friendly-faced, simple daisies
  • Soft, pink and purple flowers of all kinds
  • Sunny, yellow primrose and simple stella d’oro lilies
  • Spikey yet gentle beebalm

Everywhere, flowers bloom forth, as if delighting in their own beauty.

And birdsong surrounds me—robins, cardinals, sparrows, finches, and more…

Mother Nature is my playground this morning—
my senses are awakened and aroused as I run and walk through her glory.

Even my body responds, reveling in the invitation to feel the lightness, the delight, the celebration in this summer full moon morning.

  • I jog.
  • I run, limbs flying with wild abandon as my inner child takes over.
  • I prance and leap.
  • I skip.
  • And I slow back down to a walk.

I allow my body to delight and play with life all around me—through my feet, through my eyes, through my ears, through my core.

I read once that play was something we do for recreation only—not for practical purposes. This morning, I set out for practical purposes—to exercise my body and soul—and I discovered play!

So often I forget thisthat playfulness can be part of my everyday life—slipping in to lighten up my serious, hard-working, responsible approach. That I feel happier, lighter, and even get more done when I allow my senses/my bodysoul to play.

How do you invite playfulness
into your daily life?

What practices or reminders
do you have in place to invite delight?

grounded & growing

Bring it on!!

After a long Winter of inward time, of resting and dreaming, I am READY for the greening, the new life, the new possibilities of Spring!

In my backyard city garden, the lettuce is up, the peas are just beginning to poke their curious heads out of the ground, the chives are gathering together in a clump to stay warm on still chilly nights, and the garlic, having overwintered, is raring to go, shooting upward toward the sun, which will be much less once the trees fully leaf out… I have also planted kale, calendula, and morning glories, all of which can handle some cool nights and even the bit of Spring snow we are getting today!

Spring energy can feel exciting and revivifying, waking up all our senses from a more inward-turned attention. Yet even as I eagerly breathe in Spring’s fresh nourishment, this new energy can also feel overwhelming and challenging to my comfortable (read “habitual”) way of living—my habits, the ways I know myself…

I may need to undertake some Spring cleaning, inside and out. And like the plants emerging from the earth, I must be willing to meet what is in my growth-path, willing to be changed, while at the same time sensing how to stand firm as I emerge into the new light of Spring.

How to do this?

We can remember to turn inward, sitting quietly and breathing into our deep roots of inner contact and ground. We can practice slowing down, listening, receiving our own inner wisdom as a way to ground in ourselves as we meet what is in our path.

In this way, we can emerge into Spring confident that the soul roots we continue to grow will support us as we step out into the newly forming world, trusting that we can lean back to connect with our steady ground as needed to keep our balance.

If our seeds have been sheltered wisely and received true nourishment, they are ready to push up and reach out of the dark, cozy holding of the earth, into the growing light and warming air. Life is opening again, in the world around us and within our souls.

Deeply rooted in ourselves, can we meet whatever we encounter along the way with interest and curiosity?

With a desire to open to and learn
from the unfolding of this fresh, new life?

spring clean–in and out…

Feeling musty?
Need to be aired out?

It must be Spring!!

The warmer weather, the buds and birdsong, even the gentle rain (finally!) call us out, outside into the fresh, new air.

It’s time to declutter.

  • Your heart…
  • Your home…
  • Your energy…
  • Your life…

How do I want to feel? What are my core desired feelings? (An invitation from creativity maven Danielle LaPorte.) Brainstorm all the ways you want to feel and then narrow it down to 3-5 core desired feelings. How can you bring more of that into your life? How can you process any anger, fear, or grief to make room to align your life with your core desired feelings? Be simple. Focus on that and don’t get distracted…

How do I want my home-nest to support me? What changes are needed to bring in Spring? How can you freshen, renew, revitalize, clear, and clean? What brings you joy, comfort, and life? Keep that and let go of the rest. Start a giveaway box or a bag in the attic or basement and routinely put things in that you aren’t using and anything that doesn’t contribute to a home that feels supportive and fresh.

How do I want to live? What food will nourish me and make me ready for more outside time, more movement, more energy? What relationships will support my healing, growth, and expansion? What activities will enliven and nourish, my life energy? Be ready to really look at this and choose for you—for your life, your healing, your growth!

It’s Spring! Choose life, choose vibrancy, choose freshness, choose lightness!

Create some open space in your life to invite in the new, the unknown.

Make space for growth.

Make space for newness.

Make space.

Space for Spring to enter in…

stirrings…

Stirrings.

Urges.

Light slipping through the curtains.

Birdsong.

The familiar undercurrent of other lives.

The vast, unfolding of time.

It’s morning. Morning. Morningtime.

Greeting the day. Entering the day.
•    I choose how I wish to be.
•    I choose how I wish to feel.
•    I choose how I wish to live.

thank you god for most this amazing day… (e.e. cummings)

Waking up this morning I smile, twenty-four brand new hours are before me, I vow to live fully in each moment and look at all beings with eyes of compassion. (Thich Nhat Hanh)

I surrender the day now beginning. May I live in love. May I be in love… (Marianne Williamson and me)

Breath opens.

Body stretches and releases.

Hands land lightly.     On heart.     On belly.

I am here.
•    In this body.
•    In this bed.
•    In this life.

In this morningtime.

Like Spring, morning is a time to begin again.
•    With a new day.
•    With a new chance.
•    With a new perspective.

How will I live into this possibility?
•    With habit?
•    With rushing?
•    With openness?
•    With love?

With awareness.         With curiosity.         With compassion.

I can bring these to any day, no matter how full.
•    A being that is awake.
•    A mind that it interested and open.
•    A heart that is gentle and soft.

Morningtime = Springtime
A chance to begin fresh.
A chance to begin clean.
A chance to begin simple.

A chance to return to what is most true.

You.

Me.

Being here.

Practicing and awakening together.

How can you consciously craft your
morningtime to welcome
the possibility of a brand new and
fresh day of living?

Cracking Open

Buried Seeds by Mark Nepo

All the buried seeds
crack open in the dark
the instant they surrender
to a process they can’t see.

This innate surrender
allows everything edible
and fragrant
to break ground
into a life of light
that we call Spring.

As a seed buried in the earth
cannot imagine itself as an orchid or hyacinth,

neither can a heart packed with hurt
imagine itself loved or at peace.

The courage of the seed is that once cracking,
it cracks all the way.

It’s late Winter and especially in the North, we are yearning for Spring—for more sunlight, for more opening, for new growth, inside and outside…

Wintertime offers us the space to surrender, to return to our inner ground, to gestate our bodysoul’s wisdom so that we can soften enough to crack open and be ready for the invitation of another Spring.

Spring is almost here—at least here in Minnesota, the Spring Equinox is almost upon us! Spring Equinox is midway between the longest night of the year, at Winter Solstice, and the longest day of the year, at Summer Solstice. This year, the Spring Equinox occurs at 5:45 pm on Friday, March 20th. On the morning of the Equinox, we will have a solar eclipse with the moon covering up the sun, blocking out up to 98 per cent of its light. And the evening before, the Earth and Moon will be as close together as they possibly can be, giving rise to a so-called Supermoon, but because it’s a New Moon, we will be lucky to see the hint of a very large sliver in the sky.

Here in Minnesota, Spring suddenly blew in for a week so that we are finally consistently above zero and even melted! Even though more seasonal temperatures are coming in now, we are officially dreaming of Spring. Everything that has been underground, that has been composting and preparing for new growth, within and without, is getting ready to break ground into Spring’s new life.

Nature can be our teacher in this process of cracking open. Many plants have been dormant all Winter, hibernating, their energy pulled back into their roots or stored in seeds. Others literally died and returned their fragile plant bodies to the earth, where they mixed with other surrendered plant bodies, and dissolved into the ground becoming compost. Now these plants—both the dormant ones and the dissolved ones are getting ready to regenerate and send forth new growth—sprouts that will turn into plants that might bloom or even bear fruit come Summer and Fall.

We, too, have had a chance to surrender, to return to the ground during Winter, to let ourselves dissolve and re-form. We, too, have been like buried seeds, surrendering to the dark unknown possibility of cracking open. From this darkness, from this openness, deep wisdom can arise, which Spring invites us to put into form in the world.

So, this is the time to get ready to nurture your soon-to-be sprouting seeds. To prepare for the regeneration of your energy, for the sharing of your vision in the world…

What seeds are buried deep within you? What is yearning to come alive in you? What wants to arise from the compost of your life, to be re-formed and lived into this year? What new learning or new growth might sprout from the regenerative compost of your suffering? What has been cracking open, ready to sprout and come into the new life and light of Spring?

Choose one thing you’d like to nourish, to nurture like a new seed, just beginning to reach toward the surface of the earth. How can you fertilize the soil so this new part of you can begin to grow? How will you tend this seedling—what support and nutrients does it need? What practices do you need to put into place to assure mindful, steady growth?

Remember, no matter how dark your Winter has been, no matter how unknowable the new life of Spring feels, there is at least one seed within us that wants to grow and awaken and come into greater and deeper contact with Life, that wants to crack open all the way.

Listen to that. Trust that. Nourish that.

If you’d like some support listening, trusting, and nourishing your seeds, check my calendar and join me.

Visioning Your New Year

I used to have a lot of trouble coming up with New Year intentions—all it ever felt like was an exhausting, never-ending to-do list, what my colleague Laura calls a “devil’s to-do list.” I’m still working out exactly how to do it each year, but it’s feeling more comfortable, more like an invitation to land in myself and envision my life.

What better time, in the middle of winter, to make space to dream about how we want our lives to be? You can read about dreaming during our winter cave-time in more depth here.

One of the things that I really love doing is taking the time to look back at the past year—I usually get together with a girlfriend sometime around the cusp of the year, but you can do this now, too. We spend time going through our journals to get an overview of the patterns, the learnings, the moods. We ask ourselves questions like: “What did I learn, integrate, accomplish? What do I want to remember? What can I celebrate and what do I still need to focus on or let go of?”

Then we look forward to the New Year, at what lies ahead and allow ourselves to dream. What is calling to us? What do we need to integrate / learn / lean into? What do we want next? After writing and allowing time for this exploration, we usually draw at least a Goddess Card and perhaps another visioning tool to allow more guidance from the unconscious to be part of the process. When we’re ready, we share what we are understanding and support each other’s paths and visions.

Sometimes we choose a word or a phrase as a North Star. Sometimes an image really captivates, and just recently I read about choosing a “beautiful question.” Steve Quatrano explains: “Questions also fire the imagination. A question is a puzzle: once it has been raised, the mind almost can’t help trying to solve or answer it. In this way, questions enable us to begin to act in the face of uncertainty; they help us to organize our thinking around what we don’t know…”

This year, I chose the Goddess Card for Coventina, who represents purification, and from my hearthstones, the word “faith.” I’m playing with my beautiful question…Its current form is: “What needs to be purified within me so that I can live in more faith?” It feels like there could be many layers in this—and it feels simple enough to answer, two other important criteria for beautiful questions…

May you find more beautiful questions
than to-do lists to light up
your vision for the 2015 New Year!

* Coventina image from Doreen Virtue’s Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards and the heart with “faith” in it is from a set of Hearthstones.

Cave-Time and Dream-Time

No, I’m not talking about going all Paleo and living in a cave! 🙂

But I am curious: Are you are you taking time to dream this winter? The darkness and coldness offer the perfect opportunity to follow nature’s call to slow down and crawl into your cave.

There are many reasons we don’t listen to this call…

  • The fall and winter holidays tend to be so extroverted. We ignore the dark and the cold, dress up and drive around to spend time with friends.
  • We might be on a roll, living busy lives, full to the brim with work, family, social life, exercise, home chores, etc.
  • We might be extroverted people and really used to spending most of our time with others, finding our sense of self that way.
  • Or we might even be filling up our lives in order not to touch into what is below the busyness, what might arise if we went into the darkness, into the unknown.

The mama bear knows how to do this. Our ancestors knew how to do this. Indigenous cultures still know how to do this…how to live in connection with nature’s rhythms, to follow the call of winter into the cave.

Wintertime, cave-time, is a perfect time to let go of outer distractions and tune into your own inner world, to stop listening to the “shoulds,” and open yourself to the quiet, still embrace of the vast, deep, mysterious dark. This is an invitation to envision how you want your life to be. When you’re curled into yourself, listening to your self, what do you dream up?

Most of us can’t take enough hibernation time—though I sure wish I could sometimes! So, how to we make time to connect with these qualities of Winter?

  • Start a dream journal, keep it by your bed, and write down your dreams as soon as you wake up. It doesn’t matter if they don’t make sense to your logical, daytime brain. Just write them down.
  • Try spending more time journalling, especially first thing in the morning.
  • Try engaging in some form of creativity in which you ask for vision and stay open to not knowing the answer, to be shown what you need in your life right now. Collage is an easy one to start with if you don’t already have a specific practice.
  • Take more breaks, rest time, or retreats in which you have unscheduled time. (See my post “Are You Listening?” for more ideas about this.)

Here’s a cave-time practice we can do anytime—try it with me now:

  • Breathe deep into your belly.
  • Feel your feet on the floor, your seat in the chair, your back resting on the chair.
  • Imagine you could breathe all the way from your belly, down your legs, through your feet, into the floor. Feel roots growing down into the earth, rooting into the earth.
  • From this rooted place, breathe into the cave of your belly. If you are a woman, imagine this cave as your womb.
  • Breathe into your cave and feel/see/imagine its cozy embrace.
  • Continuing to breathe deeply into this cave and into the earth, imagine yourself curling into yourself and crawling into this cave.
  • Imagine yourself finding a comfortable place in this cave to lie down in for a little rest.
  • And let yourself stay here for a few breaths, a few minutes, or longer. Breathe, allow yourself to be held, allow yourself to not know, to open to any visions or dreams that might be waiting here in the darkness for you to receive.
  • Close your eyes.
  • When you open your eyes, move slowly. You may want to write down any insight, intuitions, or feelings.
  • Bring this more centered presence with you as you move into the rest of your day, knowing that you can return here to meet yourself and your dreams, even just for a few breaths anytime.

If you would like to explore your own inner dreams and desires with me, please post a comment below.

Happy cave-time and winter dreaming!

New Year 2015—Reconnect with Your Feminine Essence

connection, relationship, magnetizing, rest, listening, pleasure, savoring,
embodiment, earthy, leaning back in, feelings, flow, sensual, appreciating…

These words grace an index card at my desk. What do they all have in common? The expression of yin, or feminine energy. The words are written in red, orange, and pink, further inviting a luxuriating and rich experience.

When you read those words, how do they land?

Most of the time, my mind jumps in and says something like: “Sounds nice, but who has time for all of that?”

When I do take the time to take them in, I feel myself leaning back in. I feel myself landing in my female body. This body, just as she is right now. And the more I land, the more I feel these qualities…

Our masculine-oriented culture emphasizes their opposite: independence, autonomy, selling, action, speaking, working, analyzing, head-orientation, detachment, pushing forward, thinking, goal-focused, practical, competing…

When you read those words, how do they land? I feel overwhelmed and tired…

As women, we are often so immersed in the masculine culture we live in that we forget our feminine birthright, the feeling of savoring the art of living in a female bodysoul.

Read those feminine words once again. Breathe them into your body, into your heart, into your soul. Linger in them. Luxuriate in them.

When we, as women, own our feminine essence, we are more resourced. We are more who we truly are. We are more able to operate in a masculine-driven culture without losing our balance, without losing our way.

How might you invite more of your
feminine essence, more of who you really are,
into your life in this New Year?
What baby steps could you take
to inhabit your feminine bodysoul more?