Category: mindfulness

Cave-Time and Dream-Time

No, I’m not talking about going all Paleo and living in a cave! 🙂

But I am curious: Are you are you taking time to dream this winter? The darkness and coldness offer the perfect opportunity to follow nature’s call to slow down and crawl into your cave.

There are many reasons we don’t listen to this call…

  • The fall and winter holidays tend to be so extroverted. We ignore the dark and the cold, dress up and drive around to spend time with friends.
  • We might be on a roll, living busy lives, full to the brim with work, family, social life, exercise, home chores, etc.
  • We might be extroverted people and really used to spending most of our time with others, finding our sense of self that way.
  • Or we might even be filling up our lives in order not to touch into what is below the busyness, what might arise if we went into the darkness, into the unknown.

The mama bear knows how to do this. Our ancestors knew how to do this. Indigenous cultures still know how to do this…how to live in connection with nature’s rhythms, to follow the call of winter into the cave.

Wintertime, cave-time, is a perfect time to let go of outer distractions and tune into your own inner world, to stop listening to the “shoulds,” and open yourself to the quiet, still embrace of the vast, deep, mysterious dark. This is an invitation to envision how you want your life to be. When you’re curled into yourself, listening to your self, what do you dream up?

Most of us can’t take enough hibernation time—though I sure wish I could sometimes! So, how to we make time to connect with these qualities of Winter?

  • Start a dream journal, keep it by your bed, and write down your dreams as soon as you wake up. It doesn’t matter if they don’t make sense to your logical, daytime brain. Just write them down.
  • Try spending more time journalling, especially first thing in the morning.
  • Try engaging in some form of creativity in which you ask for vision and stay open to not knowing the answer, to be shown what you need in your life right now. Collage is an easy one to start with if you don’t already have a specific practice.
  • Take more breaks, rest time, or retreats in which you have unscheduled time. (See my post “Are You Listening?” for more ideas about this.)

Here’s a cave-time practice we can do anytime—try it with me now:

  • Breathe deep into your belly.
  • Feel your feet on the floor, your seat in the chair, your back resting on the chair.
  • Imagine you could breathe all the way from your belly, down your legs, through your feet, into the floor. Feel roots growing down into the earth, rooting into the earth.
  • From this rooted place, breathe into the cave of your belly. If you are a woman, imagine this cave as your womb.
  • Breathe into your cave and feel/see/imagine its cozy embrace.
  • Continuing to breathe deeply into this cave and into the earth, imagine yourself curling into yourself and crawling into this cave.
  • Imagine yourself finding a comfortable place in this cave to lie down in for a little rest.
  • And let yourself stay here for a few breaths, a few minutes, or longer. Breathe, allow yourself to be held, allow yourself to not know, to open to any visions or dreams that might be waiting here in the darkness for you to receive.
  • Close your eyes.
  • …
  • When you open your eyes, move slowly. You may want to write down any insight, intuitions, or feelings.
  • Bring this more centered presence with you as you move into the rest of your day, knowing that you can return here to meet yourself and your dreams, even just for a few breaths anytime.

If you would like to explore your own inner dreams and desires with me, please post a comment below.

Happy cave-time and winter dreaming!

New Year 2015—Reconnect with Your Feminine Essence

connection, relationship, magnetizing, rest, listening, pleasure, savoring,
embodiment, earthy, leaning back in, feelings, flow, sensual, appreciating…

These words grace an index card at my desk. What do they all have in common? The expression of yin, or feminine energy. The words are written in red, orange, and pink, further inviting a luxuriating and rich experience.

When you read those words, how do they land?

Most of the time, my mind jumps in and says something like: “Sounds nice, but who has time for all of that?”

When I do take the time to take them in, I feel myself leaning back in. I feel myself landing in my female body. This body, just as she is right now. And the more I land, the more I feel these qualities…

Our masculine-oriented culture emphasizes their opposite: independence, autonomy, selling, action, speaking, working, analyzing, head-orientation, detachment, pushing forward, thinking, goal-focused, practical, competing…

When you read those words, how do they land? I feel overwhelmed and tired…

As women, we are often so immersed in the masculine culture we live in that we forget our feminine birthright, the feeling of savoring the art of living in a female bodysoul.

Read those feminine words once again. Breathe them into your body, into your heart, into your soul. Linger in them. Luxuriate in them.

When we, as women, own our feminine essence, we are more resourced. We are more who we truly are. We are more able to operate in a masculine-driven culture without losing our balance, without losing our way.

How might you invite more of your
feminine essence, more of who you really are,
into your life in this New Year?
What baby steps could you take
to inhabit your feminine bodysoul more?

The Deep Darkness of Winter Solstice

The Pathdeep is the darkness,
with no light at all,
before and behind,
and to either side

I love this text from Stephen Mitchell’s translation of Gilgamesh. It invites me into the truth of this season. It is dark. The darkness is deep and long, and will be at its darkest depth this weekend. The hours of darkness overwhelm those of daylight.

I was recently in Anchorage, Alaska visiting my sister’s family for Thanksgiving, and it was still dark at 9 am! We took the kids to school in the dusky darkness. By 4 pm, it was dark again. It was really dark before and behind, and to either side.

There have been times in my life where this has been true, too. Deep is the darkness, so deep that I can’t see around me, with no light at all. At such times, it’s helpful to remember that we have choices. We often fumble around trying to see in the deep dark. Instead we can practice surrendering to its depths. And we can seek the light.

Winter reminds us of the mystery of dark and light, of their entwinement, of their ultimate embrace. Each cannot exist without the other—if there were no darkness, we would have nothing to contrast it with, nothing “light.” And without the light, what would “dark” be?

So, as winter invites us into the deep darkness, can we surrender to it, allow ourselves to dive in and become familiar with its depths? What might we find in the darkness? What visions, dreams, gifts, might be there for us to uncover, for us to release into?

Winter Solstice and the other wintertime holidays mark the beginning of the return of the light, at the cusp of winter. Winter Solstice falls on Sunday, December 21st at 5:03 pm CT this year. As we surrender to the darkness of wintertime, we also, paradoxically, are reminded of the light, which will grow ever so slowly from this day until Summer Solstice.

deep is the darkness, with no light at all,
before and behind, and to either side

This winter, how will you enter consciously
into the darkness?

How can you surrender to winter’s depth,
and at the same time allow the
ever-returning light within to slowly
and faithfully guide you along your way?

Are You Listening?

There’s so much to listen to here in this Western culture we live in—news, talk shows, music, weather, random TV shows and movies, our family, our bosses, our inner critics…The list can be endless and overwhelming.

What if you could decide what to listen to?
What if you really took time to tune into that?
Whose voice(s) would you choose
to listen to?

Wintertime invites us into deeper listening.

Deeper listening…deeper than what? Deeper than the outer sounds, deeper than the “shoulds” inside your head…Listening deep inside yourself, where there is quiet and stillness and wisdom. A wellspring to draw upon, if we turn in to it.

Especially in the colder climates, winter really does invite us to go inside—into our actual houses where it is warm, less in contact with our neighbors and friends. We are drawn to cozy up to the woodstove or sink into a warm bath, to light candles and sip warm drinks, to read books and journal, to reflect on our lives.

This deeper listening can be an invitation to surrender to nature’s call, to hunker down and in, out of the cold. In following winter’s lead, we also follow the rhythm of our souls. Our souls need to rest, to go within, to connect with the deeper wellsprings that nourish us. And from this place, we come back to the world more refreshed, more able to respond, more able to live authentically in the world.

The more faithfully you listen to the voice within you,
the better you will hear what is sounding outside.
~ Dag Hammarskjold

Of course, we can do this anytime, even in the midst of the holiday chaos, but it’s a lot easier when we can actually set aside undisturbed retreat time to really listen. Here are a few suggestions for how to create mini-retreat times for yourself any day:

  • Carve out silent journaling time.
  • Add in slow yoga or other mindful movement.
  • Sit in meditation, contemplation, or prayer.
  • Settle in with a cup of tea and look out the window, at the fire, sipping slowly.
  • Take a Do-Nothing Break.

Whatever you do, see if you can drop below the to-do lists, the “shoulds,” the noisy voices of our culture, and listen for the voice of your soul—S/He may speak in words, in intuitive hits, in physical sensations, in feelings, in images or symbols…Listen for your own deeper knowing and wisdom and heed it.

How do you make time to listen within?
I’d love to share ideas about this
essential part of our self-care and wholeness.

Holiday Frazzle? Try this…

Frazzled, harried, rushed? Not enough time to get it all done? What if I told you that there is a simple, short and sweet practice you can do to support yourself?

Frazzled, harried, rushed? Not enough time to get it all done?

I get it!

The holiday season can be such a challenge! We want to enjoy connecting time with friends and family, to leisurely pick out the perfect gifts, to make yummy and nourishing foods…And we still have to work and take care of family and home and try to squeeze in some self-care time for ourselves…

It can feel really overwhelming!

What if I told you that there is a simple, short and sweet practice you can do to support yourself?

I know, you’re probably thinking—I don’t have time for one more thing! I felt that way, too, when I first started doing this, but I soon found that it was not only doable, but really helpful.

It’s what I call taking a “Do Nothing Break” or “Being Break.”

And that’s it! You just stop and do nothing except BE. You’ve probably heard that, perhaps overused, but very apt expression, “You are a human being, not a human doing.” During busy times, we can forget that, and when we do, we get lost. We lose track of what matters most to us–of our core values, of our connections with others, of what makes life most meaningful and enjoyable….

So, give it a try! I suggest 5 minutes, but if that feels like too much to start, try 3. And just stop.

If you need to clear your mind, you can jot down notes, but it’s not a note-taking session. Jot it down and come back to the moment, to your breathing and your senses–looking, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching…Keep returning to the present moment.

Try this one small practice this holiday season and see if you don’t feel like you have a little more time, a little more presence, a little more meaning and connection in your life! (Hint: you can do it whenever you need it—i.e., more than once a day!

Fall Equinox: Letting Go

One of the ways I am simplifying and letting go this season is by not posting a long Seasonal Blogpost at the Solstice and Equinox. I hope you enjoy this simpler, seasonally inspired reflection.

Bidden or Not

This collage feels appropriate as we walk through the doorway into another season. What will Fall bring to us? To walk with the earth into this turning into Fall, we can be mindful of the themes of simplifying and letting go. Summer coming to an end, the school year starting, harvest being gathered and stored, leaves falling, the days getting shorter…

What is our harvest? What can we strip away to focus on the bare essentials most necessary to our lives right now? As one of my teachers, Sara Avant Stover, asks in her book, “How gracefully can you let go? How much can you give into the way things are? How well can you honor yourself and that which is passing?”

I recently posted about Vivian, my inner teenager self—collaging her and giving her a voice is part of my practice of letting go. Including her in my life allows me to let go of the ways I have unconsciously acted out her feelings and needs.

Today, as I finish this, in the middle of a trip to New York State and Vermont, I am letting go of over-productivity and focusing on the bare essentials—in this minimalist blogpost, in resting a lot to heal (a head cold is trying to re-establish itself), in doing only the minimum necessary so I can focus on connections with dear friends (not keeping up with all my emails or facebook, not visiting too many friends or places)…

How can you re-orient with the Fall season and practice letting go, holding on only to that which truly feels necessary and nourishing in your life?

An Autumn poem to close by Joseph Stroud, from Of This World: New and Selected Poems:

Home. Autumn. The Signatures.
Let the day begin with its light.
For once, let the mothers and fathers sleep late.
Let the chickens in the mud
scratch their own inscrutable chicken poetry.
Let the clothes hang from the line
in the rain.
Allow the crickets under the woodpile
one more day of their small music.
Soon everything will be clean
and bare, a fine inner blazing as the leaves
drop, and the air is tinged with oak
burning across the fields.
Let the skeletons of cornstalks
scrape in the wind
and sunflowers droop heavy heads
spilling their crowns of seeds.
Let the dew on the webs
gleam a thousand pearls
as the sun hazes its light
around everything we must lose.
Let the night build its darkness,
and earth close once more
and, at last, become quiet.

Seasons Blessings of Letting Go Gracefully!

Vivian Speaks

Include me.

Include my fear.

Include my confusion of not knowing how to be when mom told me at 16 that it looked like my eyelids were growing mold when I first tried eye shadow—blue to go with my eyes, whose color and size I was always praised for.

Include my self-imposed banishment from the circle of other teenage girls who knew the tried-and-true steps to becoming a woman in the society I found myself growing up in.

Include my innocence that was broken by his unwanted touch in the night, and my subsequent frozen withdrawal from his heartfelt apology, from his owned ignorance, from his unintentional hurt of me—and from my own budding beauty.

Include my disordered eating—my attempt to know and control and stuff my feelings deep down where no one else, especially me, could find them so that I could go on living a good life.

Include my yearning for something more—to live for, to grow into, to speak, to sing, to embrace, to be.

Include my sadness when I cannot express what is in my heart, when my words hurt another, when I feel unseen for who I am—whether I myself can give voice to it or not.

Include my willingness to dive deep to uncover these stories, to turn them over and over again with loving curiosity, to understand, to offer them to myself and you.

Include my resting into myself, my leaning back into my sensual bodysoul in the perfect form she is expressing right now.

Include me.

Include life.

**Vivian is the name of my inner teenager.

**Image Credit: Dive Deep is the top blue painting of a woman diving, from the beautiful artwork of Leah Piken Kolidas: http://www.bluetreeartgallery.com/dive-deep.php. Used with permission.

NN(G)FT and A Virgin Pedi!

NN(G)FT is a term I learned this week from business-strategist, marketing-maven, spiritual-ass-kicker with-a-side-of-hip-hop-swagger, Maria Forleo! (Non-Negotiable Friend Time) I’ve added the “G”, which emhasizes the importance of the “Girl” in Friend Time when you’re a woman, anyway…

I’ve been so busy this past year studying to practice as a Holistic Health & Wellness Coach with IIN that I haven’t made as much time for my girlfriends as usual, and I’ve really missed it! I hereby commit to making it non-negotiable!

There is something so supportive about getting together with a girlfriend to talk, to be heard, to share about what’s going on in our lives. And even better, to get together and have it be my first time ever to experience a pedicure made it even more fun!!

(I know, it’s probably hard to imagine that in my 50s, I had never had a pedicure, but I wasn’t brought up in that world and never really understood what a pleasure it could be…until now!)

In my mission to add more pleasure and fun into my life over the last few years, I have enjoyed painting my own toenails. But I always use the same dark red, and I often go a long time in between painting them.

So, today, at my Virgin Pedicure, I decided to try a different color—a lot lighter and oranger—to break out of the box a bit and invite more fun in!

I was surprised how much I enjoyed entering this new world! I joined a tribe of women who knew something I didn’t—a way of taking care of themselves that is even culturally sanctioned!

We ranged in age from girls of seven or so (for a wedding, sitting in really fun pink kittycat chairs—can I sit there next time?) to women in their 80s, seemingly from many different walks of life. Some came in pairs, like my girlfriend and I, but quite a few came alone. We enjoyed each other, complimented the colors chosen, and settled into the ritual. We all belonged—as women, as women who were taking care of themselves, as women who were seeking some pleasure in connection, in fun colors, in touch, in relaxation, in community…

I still have such a warm feeling of wellbeing from this participation in the tribe of women! It really did feel like an initiation of sorts for me—an initiation into a new form of pleasure, mutual appreciation, and relational connection of womanhood I had not known.

Do you have NNGFT?
How do you bring more pleasure and fun into your life?

Retreating—An Act of Self-Love

I’m just back from our weeklong Diamond Approach Retreat and trying not to scramble too much as I catch up, so that I can be with myself as I land home again.

I so appreciate retreat time to really hunker down and focus on my spiritual practice, without the distraction of daily work, food preparation, clean up, or even the daily choice of when to meditate and do my spiritual practice. It’s all decided for me on retreat, which gives my mind a chance to calm down and let go of control more than normal.

It’s also so restorative and supportive to be retreating in a beautiful place in the country. Just being there, taking in my surroundings with all my senses, is a coming home. I feel myself slow down and land more in my sensual self, in my own inner sense of wholeness, beauty, groundedness.

And all of this, of course, invites my heart to come online a bit more. My mind is calmer, letting go of control, and I am here, grounded, solid, present in my body, which makes my heart feel safe to open, to feel more, to love more, to simply be more available. I had a few really beautiful heart opening experiences, in which, for longer periods, my heart remained really present—there was a sense of intimacy with my heart, of fullness, of impressionability, of deep equanimity, and of self-love. My heart was with me—or more likely, I was with my heart! I feel this now as I write about it, and I am so grateful.

How do you make space in your life for a deeper landing in yourself?

Are there ways you support your mind to let go of thinking and controlling for a bit?

What helps you to land in your body with more presence?

When does your heart feel most available?

Hammock Time, Anyone?

Last week, we put up a hammock under our river birch tree, and it’s amazing! Just having it out there, where I can see it when I walk by the living room window or out the front door reminds me to stop.

Since we put it up, I have taken breaks in it at least twice a day—sometimes only for a few minutes, but even that amount is restorative for my bodysoul.

Lying under the tree, looking at the leaves, breathing, feeling my body sink into the support of the hammock beneath me, letting myself drop down and in. This is harder for me to do when I’m inside or even sitting in my gardens, where I see everything that needs to be done….

Did you know that adequate rest is just as important as healthy eating or exercising or even spiritual practice? We can’t live our best lives, our most enjoyable and nourishing lives, if we don’t slow down. Let me say that one more time—I know I need to keep hearing it! We can’t live our best lives, our most enjoyable and nourishing lives, if we don’t slow down.

The health benefits of adequate rest include improved memory, calmer nervous system, lowered risk of heart attack, and overall less stress. Rest also helps us be more present in our lives so that we are available for our loved ones, for moments of beauty and joy, and for ourselves.

If you don’t have a hammock, consider taking 5-minute “Do Nothing” Breaks. I created this little practice for myself when I was trying to learn to take breaks a few years ago. Just stop, sit down, set your timer for 5 minutes, and do nothing! What does “do nothing” look like? Breathe, sense your body, look out a window, sink into the support of whatever you are resting on. When thoughts arise, notice them and come back to your body and breath, to the view, to the sounds, to the support…. If you need to, write a reminder down, but then drop it—you can come back to it later. See if you can practice this a few times a day and see how it feels. More details here.

I have found that truly resting, even if it’s in short 5-minute increments helps me to feel happier, healthier, and more present in my life in general.

What would it take for you to learn to really, consciously rest? For me, it took getting a diagnosis of pre-cervical cancer (now resolved), but that’s another story! I hope it doesn’t have to be as drastic for you!