reprise: Come, yet again, come.

Come, come, whoever you are
Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving
Ours is no caravan of despair
Come, yet again, come.
~Rumi

Both Passover and Easter are about freedom.

The brain, on the other hand, likes patterns it can repeat, which makes it easy to fall into ruts…which don’t feel like freedom.

In one sense, it’s a good thing because the brain following well-known grooves to ride a bike or walk or drive frees up our energy for other things, like learning something new or trying on a new way of being…

But what if some of our repeated patterns aren’t serving us–and yet they keep repeating on autoplay? How do we find our way to freedom?

Come, yet again, come. This is a sweet invitation to come back to ourselves, to stop the autopilot of habit and wake up. To be present and experience the freedom of being right here, right now, in this very moment.

Wherever we are, whenever we notice, we have the chance to choose freshly again.

We can take a look at what we’ve been choosing.

When I’m not present, my type One orientation habitually and unconsciously chooses to try to improve things–me, you, my environment…life! I just have to learn a little more by reading one more article, to straighten the pile of shoes in the foyer, to update my site to make it more user-friendly…There’s always more to do and never enough time… Your way of getting lost may be very different from mine, but we all have them.

When we notice we are on autopilot, we can ask:

Does what I’m habitually choosing reflect my values?

I often find my value for contemplative quiet time gets relegated to last on my list. Sure, I fit some in every morning, but if it’s something I truly value (and need to be well!) wouldn’t it make sense to create more space in my life for it?

Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving…

Why do we wander away, leave what we value?

We forget. We get pulled back into the automatic pilot of repeating habits.

These are so compelling because they are familiar–the patterns have been traveled so often that they feel known, safe, comforting…even if we’d like to change them.

They don’t challenge our sense of who we might be, which might happen if we didn’t follow them. Our self-identity relies on them. In my example, I know myself as someone who is always making things better. This is an integral part of how I define myself, recognize my value, and orient to the world. Who would I be, how would I interact with life if I didn’t need to know myself in this way? What options for being, for freedom might open up?

Holding what I am repeating on autopilot along with my values creates a paradox. How can both be true? And yet they are.

If we hold this paradox with mindfulness, we can receive the wisdom of right action. There is no ultimate “right” way to always respond, no one tried and true way to reconcile these opposites. If there were, believe me, I would have found it! 🙂

When I’m not present, I fall back into habit = unfree.

When I am present, I can hold both the habit and what I value, and see what freely arises as true in my experience right now, in this moment. Letting these guide me, holding the tension, and listening will result in the right action I seek. The next time I ask, the moment may require something else of me.

Come, yet again, come. Being present means I am responding freshly each time I wake up enough to come, yet again, back to myself and hold the paradox. May Passover and Easter remind us of this possibility–the possibility of freedom in any moment that we choose presence.

OK, your turn! What habits do you fall into without thinking? How do these affect your ability to create space for the things you value? How do they affect your freedom?

Please join me to practice presence together, April 24th-28th:

For five days, you’ll receive a daily email with suggestions and inspiration for ways to practice presence that support your everyday life. We’ll share ideas and get support from each other in the private facebook group. Sign up for FREE!

I look forward to journeying with you!

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Everyday Love

It’s Valentine’s Day.

How about a focus on real, everyday Love?

Romantic dinners, heart-shaped gifts, chocolate, sexy lingerie—they are a fun way of expressing Love, but I’m talking about taking steps to choose and create Love in a simple, daily way.

Today, can you remember to:

Give yourself the benefit of the doubt?
Be friendly and kind when you make a mistake?
Not rush?
Listen to the needs of your body? (move, rest, eat, use the bathroom…)
Listen to your heart, not judging your feelings, but allowing them all and being gentle with yourself?

With others, can you:

Be present with yourself as you interact with them? (That way you’ll be more attuned.)
Offer your kind attention, even to strangers?
Go out of your way to be of service?
Put yourself in their shoes before responding?
Receive their goodwill?

Everyday Love is a choice, an action, a verb.

Even if you don’t feel Love, take a step to choose it. Start with yourself and move out from there. Let everyone you touch receive your Love.

The world needs you, showing up as you, which is an expression of Love. And the world needs us all choosing Love with each other, one babystep at a time.

This is the way we can create Everyday Love, every day.

Come practice Everyday Love with me!

Body Love: Mindful Movement & Yoga, Tuesdays at noon
Body, Mind Love: The Mindful Art of Tea ,Wednesday, February 15th
Body, Heart Love: The Way of the Happy Woman® Winter Mini-Retreat, Sunday, February 19th
Body, Heart, Mind Love: Mindful Self-Care for your Whole Bodysoul, Wednesday, March 15th
Body, Heart, Mind Love: Releasing Our Hearts: Working with the Passions and the Virtues of our Enneagram Type, with Dave Hall, Saturday, March 25th

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From Habit to Holy

We’re just over halfway through my free, online, 5-Day Practice Presence for Life Journey. (You can still join until Friday January 13th here!).

As we journey together, I continue to deepen my own inquiry into the connection between the ordinary and the sacred, between habit and ritual.

How is it that the same activity—getting out of bed in the morning, eating lunch, exercising—can be rote habit or sacred ritual?

The only thing that changes is what we bring to the activity. Every time we bring our mindful and kind attention to our actions, we are infusing that moment with presence and holiness. The holiness of intention and attention. The holiness of showing up to our lives as fully as we can. The holiness of simply being in and with our life.

By living with this respectful attention and compassion moment to moment, you sense the sacred in each part of your life.
~ Jack Kornfield in A Path with Heart, p. 197

Another aspect of creating sacred ritual vs. structured habit is that we consciously create the pattern we want to live in our lives. We take the time to consider what we need to make our lives more nourishing on all levels—more ease and wellbeing, more meaning and value, more [you fill it in…].

This can take a little effort to put into place. We have to take an honest look at what is not working and how we might change that. If I’m harried and arriving at work stressed out, maybe I need to create space for some morning practice. If I’m exhausted all day, maybe I need to figure out how to create resting and bedtime rituals. Or maybe I need to look at how I’m feeding myself or moving or something else, and how that is contributing to my overall wellbeing…

Making space for new ways of practicing is part of the picture. It might take a little creative thinking since we can get so locked in and attached to our unconscious habits. We have to be willing to experiment and try something new until we find the right fit for us.

Our patterns organize our reality.
They guide our established way of connecting with life.
~ Elaine de Beauport, Three Faces of Mind, p. 275

As we find the practices that work for us and create space for them in our day, we are setting the new pattern that can become sacred ritual. The familiarity of a repeated pattern provides us with a way to come back to ground, to give our nervous system deep rest. Our relaxed nervous system supports us on all levels so that we have more wellbeing in body, heart, mind, and soul. We are in rhythm with ourselves.

Ritual is an advanced routine, practiced with care, attention, faith, and beauty.
It is a way of elaborating repetitive rhythms ever more exquisitely, until they become ritual.
~ Elaine de Beauport, Three Faces of Mind, p. 301

Creating a life of everyday actions that become sacred ritual also means staying awake while we are practicing. As Kornfield emphasized, it’s the quality of our attention, not the doing of the new pattern that makes it sacred.

This is my challenge—I’m good at creating patterns, but then I have to remember to engage in them with presence, to bring all of me into my practice and not just practice to get it off my to-do list. (Yup, I have been known to fall into that one at times, even with a spiritual practice…)

And then there’s the trap of perfection, another one that has plagued me, especially as an Enneagram type One. I have often missed the sacred quality of presence in my patterns because I’ve put too much attention into doing them the “right” way. I am slowly learning that the only “right” way to practice is to show up—to bring as much awareness, heart, and embodiment to our practice as we can in each moment. That will vary day by day, moment by moment, and that’s OK!

We practice to nourish ourselves with our presence, not to try to reach some elusive ideal of perfection. Your presence matters. Your presence is what makes the moment, the practice, and your life holy.

There’s still time to jump in if you’d like to join!
I’d love to practice with you!

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Come, yet again, come.

Come, come, whoever you are
Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving
Ours is no caravan of despair
Come, yet again, come.
~Rumi

It’s too easy to fall into ruts.

The brain likes patterns it can repeat. That frees up our energy for other things.

But what if some of our repeated patterns aren’t serving us–and yet they keep repeating on autoplay?

Come, yet again, come. This is a sweet invitation to come back to ourselves, to stop the autopilot of habit and wake up.

Wherever we are, whenever we notice, we have the chance to choose freshly again.

We can take a look at what we’ve been choosing.

When I’m not present, my type One orientation habitually and unconsciously chooses to try to improve things–me, you, my environment…life! I just have to learn a little more by reading one more article, to make the fridge look better by cleaning up that spill on the shelf, to bring order to the dining room by putting the Christmas wrapping supplies away…There’s always more to do and never enough time…Your way of getting lost may be very different from mine, but we all have them.

When we notice we are on autopilot, we can ask: Does what I’m habitually choosing reflect my values?

Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving… Why do we wander away, leave what we value?

We forget.We get pulled back into the automatic pilot of repeating habits.

These are so compelling because they are familiar–the patterns have been traveled so often that they feel known, safe, comforting…even if we’d like to change them.

Holding what I am repeating on autopilot along with my values creates a paradox. How can both be true? And yet they are.

If we hold this paradox with mindfulness, we can receive the wisdom of right action. There is no ultimate “right” way to always respond, no one tried and true way to reconcile these opposites.

When I’m not present, I fall back into habit.

When I am present, I can hold both the habit and what I value, and see what arises as true in my experience right now, in this moment. Letting these guide me, holding the tension, and listening will result in the right action I seek. The next time I ask, the moment may require something else of me.

Come, yet again, come. Being present means I am responding freshly each time I wake up enough to come, yet again, back to myself and hold the paradox.

OK, your turn! What habits do you fall into without thinking? How do these fit with creating space for the things you value?

Please join me to practice presence together, January 9th-13th:

I look forward to journeying with you!

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with presence, you get presents

the title of this blogpost is a quote from my primary Enneagram teacher, past boss, and friend, Russ Hudson.

with presence, you get presents…i know i have made it much harder than that in my life!! one of the biggest stumbling blocks to presence for me is moving too fast, trying to do too much, which i talked about in my last blogpost.

the other big obstacle is one most of us have been taught from an early age:

“Take care of others before you take care of yourself.”

our family of origin, trying to mold us into good citizens who will be acceptable in the culture we live in, tells us not to focus on ourselves, that it’s SELFISH.

as women, we get the message that it’s our job to care for others, whether it be calling, texting, emailing, visiting, or even accepting an invitation or overstaying so as not to hurt someone’s feelings.

and men have their own version of this: they often feel pressure to provide for the family and make their women happy.

this time of year, we’re all encouraged to focus on finding and giving the RIGHT gifts—that we research, shop for, spend money on, or hand-make. even if we truly want to make our loved ones happy with the perfect gift, it is so easy to lose ourselves in what can feel like a frantic search.

as an adult, i find that one of my favorite memories of Christmas was doing a 1,000-2,500 piece puzzle together as a family.

yes, we were dedicated puzzlers! 🙂 my parents hung a round, particle-board tabletop on pulleys in our living room so we could sit around it and puzzle together and then pull it up to the ceiling to make space for other things.

what i remember most is the gift of calm, together time.

we didn’t talk a lot. we simply joined each other at the table and were present together—sometimes to put a piece in as we were passing through, sometimes for longer.

i’m not suggesting not to invest some time and money in gathering hands-on gifts for your loved ones.

but see if you can return to yourself over and over again while you do. fill your own well with the gift of your mindful presence. if you need some tips for how to do this see babysteps for presence.
as you spend time with others over the holidays, stay connected with the internal presence of you—the felt sense of your feet on the ground, the breath in your body, the way your heart is touched by their presence.
also when with others, practice taking their presence in. see them freshly—breathe in their beauty, their unique way of thinking and being. you might want to try a version of this savoring practice to help you really tune in.

as you do any of these practices, you are giving yourself and the person you are with the gift of presence—of yours and theirs.

with presence, we get presents.

because i know how hard it can be to practice presence,
i’ve created an opportunity for us to practice together,
to make a fresh start in the New Year:

in these five days together, we’ll get into the nitty-gritty of your everyday life and try on mindful practices to create more presence in your life. we’ll weave in more meaning and sacred intention so that you are crafting a life you want to live.

Please join me! I’d love to journey with you!

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Mindful Living–and Ways to Practice with Me!

What does mindful living look like when you’re going through hard times?

What does mindful living look like when someone you love dies? Like my brother this past month…

What does it mean to be mindful, anyway?

Mindfulness, as I say to my clients, is using the amazing capacity of your mind to be mindful of what is arising in your body, heart, and mind.

Mindfulness is being mindful—sounds circular, doesn’t it. Hmm…

Mindful = using the fullness of my mind, the full capacity to attend, to give my attention to something.

If am working and finding myself distracted, my capacity to be mindful is not being exercised.
If I am multi-tasking—which researchers say is not possible for the brain—we’re just moving very quickly from task to task—I am most likely not being mindful.
If I am wool-gathering, I am not being mindful.
If I am on autopilot going over all the details of my brother’s untimely death again, I am not being mindful.

When you use the fullness of your mind to attend to your life, what does it look like?

Paying attention to what your senses are taking in is the easiest way to practice:

Being outside and really sensing the quality of air on your skin—temperature, texture, movement…
Sipping tea and taking in the aroma, the steam, the temperature, the taste, the texture…
Hugging a loved one and feeling the touch and temperature of their body, taking in their particular scent, sensing their touch of you…
Gazing at something and really seeing it—all the contours, details, colors, textures, etc.

This practice saves me when I get lost in sad thoughts about my brother. It brings me back to the moment, the life that is living in and around and through my senses and my bodysoul right now.

We can also place our full attention on what we are feeling and what we are thinking.

If I am mindful of what I am feeling, then I notice the sensation of the feeling, it’s location in my body, its intensity, its particular shape. I might even name it. As I grieve my brother: Constriction and collapsing in my chest. Grief. Confusion. Pain.

Being mindful of thoughts is a common form of meditation. In this case, it is especially helpful to find an anchor to return to when I start thinking, like my breath, or concentrating on my belly or the sensation of my feet on the ground. Establishing this anchor first, I then open my awareness to notice my thoughts instead of allowing them to think me.

I am mindful of what I am thinking, using the mind to attend to the mind. I might label the type of thoughts I am thinking in a practice called Noting: worrying, planning, perfecting, anticipating, judging, ruminating, conceptualizing, fantasizing, etc. I might also notice how they are affecting my body and heart.

In these last few weeks of processing my brother’s unexpected death, I have continually practiced returning to mindfulness. Allowing a wide range of feelings to wash over me—from grief to love, from confusion and pain to sweetness and happiness. I sense them, being mindful of how and where I experience them, not holding on to them, but letting them flow through. When the thoughts are looping, trying to make sense of it all, I notice them, sense them, label them, and return to my breath, to my belly, to my feet, and to other senses so that I can come back to the moment that is here. Sunlight, birdsong, aroma of wet earth, warmth of teacup, solid feet… From here, I am resourced. I am open. I am available to live my life as it unfolds with body, heart, and mind—mindfully.

How do you return to mindfulness?

This Fall I am offering a number of opportunities to practice mindfulness—I hope you will join me!

The Mindful Art of Tea, Thursday, September 22nd, 2016
Enjoy the ritual of tea as a vehicle for mindfulness practice. Read more.

Autumn Women’s Self-Care Mini-Retreat, Sunday, October 16th, 2016
Give yourself a chance to slow down and welcome the Autumn Season with yoga, meditation, journaling, and more in women’s community. Read more.

Choosing Happiness Habits Using the Enneagram, Mindfulness, and Play, 4-Part Series, starting October 18th, 2016
Learn how to access your innate happiness through experiential exercises, new awarenesses, and mindset shifts! Read more.

Healthy High Tea, TBD in November. 2016
Enjoy healthy food and mindful conversation in your mindful tea ritual! Watch my calendar.

Free Online “Practice Presence for Life Journey,” TBD in 2017
Join a community to make daily, simple choices to live a life of presence, one mindful choice at a time. Watch my calendar.

NEW: 1-off Holistic Life Coaching and Enneagram Sessions
Get some quick and practical support with ways to approach your life with an attitude of mindful practice. Contact Katy.

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receiving the moment

i recently immersed myself in the book Three Faces of Mind by Elaine de Beauport with Aura Sofia Diaz. in the section on the different intelligences of the neocortex, the “human” brain, i found a really helpful explanation of one of the ways of thinking i really struggle with.

as an Enneagram Type One, one of the ways my ego feels safe is to quickly discern what is right/wrong, good/bad, etc. i notice whether things are done well, put in the right place, or expressed clearly. i notice if people follow-through, act with integrity, speak the truth… i notice this in others and even more in myself.

i know it might seem like it, but this is not just me being picky or judgmental. it is an attempt by my ego personality to always know how to align with the Good, the Right. this not only makes me feel safe in the world, but keeps a sense of myself, my identity going.

unfortunately, it also separates me from myself and from others. when i am discerning, if there is any hint of “i’m better” or that i’m standing on higher moral ground, then what i’m really doing is judging, not simply discerning the differences between things. and people feel this.

Elaine talks about this way of thinking as a less healthy version of Rational Intelligence. we most definitely need the capacity to discern, to think linearly and rationally (left brain), but when it becomes about judging, it is a hindrance rather than a support.

she suggests developing Associative Intelligence to be more whole (right brain). associate thinking is about receiving life as it arrives without judging or even discerning. it is about taking in the fullness of the experience—be that a person, something in nature, a situation, and in this openness to life, to discover something new. it is about connecting as opposed to separating. (there is less healthy associative thinking, too—like getting overwhelmed and lost in the amount of life coming in.)

this is a helpful way for me to understand the practices that i have felt called to take on.

one of the big ones these days has been this RECEIVING of life. when Dave walks into my office to share something or check-in, instead of going into my personality habit of feeling interrupted in my rational working process, i turn away from my computer and toward him. i breathe him in. i listen, i look, i feel into him as much as i can while staying grounded in my body and heart. (this invites my heart online, too.) i receive his presence in the moment instead of blocking it to stay focused on my linear task.

this feels much better to me, and is resulting in deeper connection and communication between us. and i can still use my left brain to limit how long of a break i take, while showing up completely, openly, softly for the time that he is here.

i’m not always very good at this, though! (my rationally intelligent left brain discerns and judges this, too. 🙂 ) i’ve been going through a rough work transition lately, and i’ve found that my rational mind’s conclusion that the other side is wrong, acting out of integrity, and untrustworthy can really keep me from engaging in associative intelligence. i recently had the opportunity to try to connect with the other side, and i was too loaded up with the conclusion that i’m being wronged to allow associative intelligence in.

so, i work with it after the fact in the hopes that i will have more choice next time.

what could associative thinking have looked like?

i could have breathed into my feet and belly and up my spine, connecting with my own grounded strength first.
i could have breathed down the front of my body, softening to receive the other person.
i could have focused softly on including the other person’s experience.
i could have listened without immediately jumping in to respond.
i could have found something i could connect with in the other person—some glimpse, some feeling, some energy.

how could this have supported me? perhaps i would have learned something new about the other side of the situation. perhaps they would have been more open to listening to me. perhaps i could have spoken a deeper truth from that place of deeper connection.

there are many benefits to practicing skillful associative thinking:

it can re-awaken interest in someone you think you know through and through.
it can open you up to appreciating something you would have overlooked.
it can help you make your own meaning by sensing how something is affecting you.
it can build a deeper relationship with your body and heart, as well as with other people.
it can open you up to new non-linear creative insights.

how do you practice Associative Intelligence?
does it come naturally to you? i think it is definitely easier for certain Enneagram types as it supports their self-image and basic needs more than Rational Intelligence.

in my holistic life coaching, we explore how to draw on a more whole way of living, using both rational and associative ways of being. we definitely need the healthy version of both!

if you would like some support in practicing presence to feel more at home in your body and at ease & resilient in your life, i’d be happy to offer you a free Discovery Session to explore my coaching program.

p.s. do you have friends who would like to feel more mindful? i’d love it if you would share this post with them on Facebook!

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freedom to…

i’m thinking about freedom.

the freedom to choose to lie in the hammock and write this.

the freedom to live in a stable, comfortable home with gardens that keep me sane.

the freedom to love and live with the man i choose.

the freedom to retrain to do work that i LOVE.

the freedom to bake and eat chocolate flourless cake with British black tea and cream just because my inner little girl wants to–and not be afraid of getting fat. (sip…yes, in the hammock!)

the freedom to stay off facebook because i need a break from the computer.

the freedom to do my spiritual practice in whatever way calls me today.

the freedom to defrost the freezer because we have another in the basement.

the freedom to leave my Enneagram Institute job after 14 years
of dedicated service, care, and love.

the freedom to choose what i want to do today.

the freedom to squish those milkweed-eating beetles or simply trap them.

the freedom to experience all my feelings, and
to comfort, accept, and love myself through them.

i am GRATEFUL for all this freedom!

How are you choosing and celebrating
your “freedom TO” this 4th of July week?

Do you have friends who would enjoy being reminded
about the freedom in their lives?
I’d LOVE it if you freely shared this blog post with your friends on facebook! 🙂

Believe it or not, having habits and rituals that support you
can create more freedom!
Yearning for more freedom, presence, and less overwhelm?
Sign up for 10 Simple Ways to Welcome the Sacred into Your Daily Life!

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decluttering to make way

click.

yes, i’m sure.

no, i don’t want the weekly email.

not the sales emails.

not the blog.

please unsubscribe me.

yes, i’m sure.

“just streamlining. thank you for your work.”

it’s incredible to me how difficult this process is.

i am decluttering my inbox. i am decluttering my mind.
i am making space to integrate my life.

what is it that makes me think i need to get all these emails? i have subscriptions to many online experts—on health, wellness, spirituality, business, living your best life, self-care, sexuality, women’s work…phew. it makes me tired just typing it out here.

and yet, i’ve had a really hard time letting them go.

why? it all comes down to thinking i don’t know enough…

it’s my type One personality, always trying to do a good job and get things right…
and this information age in which we are supposed to know everything, be experts in our field, leaving no stone unturned…
and my upbringing with two smart parents, who were always keeping up on the world, on science, on important things, my mom even a tenured ceramics engineering professor…
and even my dearly beloved husband who has a Five mind that awes me in its ability to know and remember stuff.

Keep reading about what i learned from this process…

be amazed

Spring in Minnesota at the beginning of March!

How Lady Grey’s Garden tea never ceases to amaze and delight me!

Finding the perfect pink down sweater marked way down at REI.

The spark of new life as fire is created in the woodstove.

Getting bangs and opening my face to new freedom!

The bliss coursing through my body when I dance.

A girlfriend feeding me freshly-baked cornbread.

How my bodysoul loves to run full out!

The open wonder in the face of a child.

Birdsong arising out of nowhere.

Dave. Here. With me.

Sun.

When I am able to experience this openness to life, this radical amazement, I am here. Present. Alive. Living my life.
Keep Reading!

Both Passover and Easter are about freedom.

I look forward to journeying with you!

There’s still time to jump in if you’d like to join! I’d love to practice with you!

It’s too easy to fall into ruts.

I look forward to journeying with you!

“Take care of others before you take care of yourself.”

what i remember most is the gift of calm, together time.

with presence, we get presents.

There’s still time to jump in if you’d like to join!
I’d love to practice with you!